Laugh emoji sent , but I am crying inside. My heart is bleeding. Bleeding from hurt and guilt. She broke my heart, this explains the hurt. I didn’t see it coming , that explains the guilt. Now let’s not get too emotional , let’s back it up a bit.
The day is 12th December 2016. I am walking. I dunno where I’m going.It is one of those leisurely walks I used to take,mostly in the evening, with the hope that at least I’ll bump into her on the way. Yes it was timed to the minute. I knew her mum would send her out to mama mboga for vegetables and milk for her little brother. Thing is , her mum cannot breast feed . She has AIDS. Scratch that. She has HIV. I dunno why I get the feeling that using AIDS feels a lot more victimizing than HIV. Anyway, I really knew more about her family than she did about mine. Lemme be honest , she did not know a thing about mine. I am not even sure if she knew I existed or even my name . Don’t label me a stalker yet . I’d prefer a teen struck by this feeling , most people call it a crush but whoa boy, it was more than that for me. I really want to think it was love , something straight from the movies, love at first sight. Sadly it was not that. Let’s move with the flow , maybe we’ll figure out what it was by the end of whatever this is.
So there I am walking. Am trying to whistle Wale’s song MPYT . Maybe she’ll fall for it, i run out of breath . It clearly ain’t working. So I hum it. I’m trying hard to look cool. I’m fresh from high school and cool means keeping lots of hair ,listening to Migos, using lingo such as bruh instead of bro, having Nikes ( read it as Naikeys), sweats and sweat pants were really a thing then too. Cool also meant you’ll be a magnet for them ladies. I hadn’t had a girlfriend before and it was my main goal to have one as soon as I got out of high school . Why ? The reasons are pretty much laughable now, but trust me they were a big deal to the younger me then. One I had to prove myself to the boys. Two I really wanted to actualize make out sessions and sex .Yes I used to bluff a lot about making out in high school. Who didn’t ? 50 shades of Grey really helped in that. I could tell the whole Christian Grey scene without the bondage bit and guys would fall for it. It was legendary, the look on their faces. Three I wanted somebody to call me her boy🤦🏾♂️
Cool is what I strived to be. It is all vanity though . I wish I knew this then. Back to the story , I’m humming. I’ve got this Afro thing going on. I smell of some cheap deodorant, it ain’t that bad , at least it would tone done my smelly pits. My sweats are sagging. I’ve got some fake cheap gold chain on. It looks pretty ridiculous , but I don’t realize this . I want to be cool remember. I want to be the North Pole to her South Pole.
I see her. The world stops. Okay not the whole world, just my world. I don’t realize it but I also stop walking. She is thirty feet from me. She looks good. I want to run .I want to scream. Run since I’m afraid of her , her presence. I fear I’ll act stupid. Scream , not out of fright but out of excitement since she’s f*%cking amazing. I do neither . Instead I continue to walk. Twenty feet. She is coming in fast, my brain freezes. I dunno what to do . Ten feet , I look at her. She looks back. We lock eyes . It is intense. My hands are shaking. She doesn’t know this since I am pocketing . Five feet . She looks away, pheux. But this could mean she ain’t interested . My brain comes back online. Thank God. It starts working out a conversation, a pick up line.So I didn’t know how to chat up girls. Google helped me out on this. Plus there were these sleazy lines from wild n out and the Prince from Belair. Trust me putting these lines into action is close to impossible. This is reality. It ain’t a rehearsed scene with ten takes to make it perfect. You only get one chance to pitch. Two feet , I open my mouth…
I am trying this series thing. It’s about a story with different episodes, I don’t want to write it all. But I’ll give it all in phases. This is the first phase . I dunno if you liked it, if you did then there is plenty more to come, if you didn’t , tough luck , maybe the next will interest you. Thanks for reading 😊. Till next time ✌🏾I’m out. PS This is purely fictional. 😂Don’t snoop around my DM asking me questions.