life

Roxie

I love day dreaming. Most of my day dreams are filled with fantasies. The thing about these fantasies is that they are unachievable, and that’s why I love them. I don’t have to think hard and get overly neurotic about them. Like the other day ,I was in the shower fantasising that I was Harry Styles singing adore you in a concert full of hot chiqs that adore me. I was out there ( in the shower) belting adore you high notes and life was never better. Suddenly , my sister loudly banged the door yapping about how my singing would turn sane people into cretins. There it was , my fantasy destroyed. Though I was disappointed that I didn’t get to the part where I take out my shirt and jump on the crowd , my spirits were still soaring high. Don’t label me yet. I love my life and I really wouldn’t want to change most of it. It is just that at times it gets insanely boring and depressing that I have to explore other unattainable options in the form of instant shortlasting gratifying fantasies.

Her fantasies were way nothing like mine. She day dreamed of walking on a Victoria Secret runway as a high end model. She had this dream to be a top model. She repeatedly fantasised about it. Unlike me , she didn’t wake up from the fantasy and go back to the factory setting of her life. She made steps to make this dream a reality. These steps led her to a crown, Miss environment Kenya.

She is beautiful, really beautiful. I remember the first time we met. It was on the bench outside the university VCT. I had my yellow hoodie on, my head bowed low. I was hiding. Hiding from the discomfort of having people see me there. I felt guilty , really guilty. Guilty that I was insecure about how other people ( strangers to my world ) thought of me. Guilty that I was the stupid bloke who didn’t use protection and was now having HIV like symptoms. Life can sometimes play stupid cruel jokes on you. It can also amazingly open up windows and throw away your misery.

She sauntered in with utterless care and sat beside me . I had noticed her walk , her legs to be exact. They were insanely flawless and glorious that they seemed to lead up to heaven. I was too timid to look up to her. She didn’t acknowledge my presence. Instead , she went about opening her purse , taking out her phone and scrolling through it. Silence.

Then there was this loud non ending hysterical laughter. I looked up and gave her the look. She must have noticed it. She looked away from her phone and met my gaze. Her laughter abruptly fell to a stupid chuckle that ended as soon as it began. Awkward silence.

I couldn’t stop looking at her. My disgusted look slowly fizzled to amazement. I had never seen somebody so pretty. In my head I was concocting what I should say to her. After much thought , my mind came up with a shortlist of two conflicting ideas with terribly troubling similar possible outcomes.

1. Lay all your stress on her and admonish her for laughing so loudly at such a ‘sensitive’ public place which could only lead to an argument ensuing ( if she had the balls) or her clicking away and totally ignoring me.

2. Make up an apology for rattling her and try score her. I must say my mind must have really been on a wild day dream. Possible outcome for this would prolly be a firm don’t disturb face or an I’m not interested face.

It turns out I really didn’t need either of them. She broke the silence by…. guess it. Yes, laughing again. She really must be a laugher. This time I didn’t wait for my mind to miserably think of what to say to her. I just asked her what was funny in a flat tone. And she said my face. My face was funny, how??? She really must be nuts.

Then she explained. She found it funny how my face switches from disgusted to a drool then to a trying-hard-to-look-serious face. I vehemently denied this. Then we got into a rather long but hugely satisfying argument of sorts. It was only broken by the nurse cum counsellor shouting an irritated next. I hadn’t even realised that the guy before me had left the room. In that short span , she had made me forget about my guilt. It’s amazing what the prettiest girl with a wicked hysterical non ending laugh can do to you. One moment you feel lower than a squashed dwarf, the next you feel all at ease and arguing away your funny face case amidst fits of laughter. But now the anxiety of the test all came back. I hoped it would really be a positive result. I didn’t only walk away with a positive result ( I mean the test came out negative) but also her number to boot . I just love life.

Then began our correspondence ( I like the sound of this word , it has a touch of mystery and sophistication to it ). This is what I learnt from our early days of correspondence.

The world according to Roxanne( that’s her name)


• Born in limuru
• An only child raised by a divorced mum
• Wants to be called Roxie
• Among the 5% youths that go for voluntary HIV testing after every six months in Kenya
• Listens to a pop group called capital cities ( Google them, and listen to safe and sound – her favorite song)
• Dreams of being in the ANTM show ( Don’t Google , it’s America’s Next Top Model)
• Totally Single ( smug face on)
• Thinks I’m amazing and funny and wants to totally date me.( I made this up)

Our relationship blossomed. We really had fun together. We would spend the weekends together , propping her for photo shoots, watching the Simpsons and laughing hysterically, making these crazy dishes that we’d throw out ( we aren’t good cooks), getting high and totally inebriated , the fun things were endless. I was at a happy place, I even asked her to be my girl. She said yes after making a scene of saying no and watching my heartbroken face. Life has never been that good. To be young and in love, what a blissful time to live in. Good times do eventually end, and mine ended with a text.


Byron: Hey 😊, how was your day?
Roxie😍:Hey, it was great, had a lunch date with my mum
she says I’m too skinny and should eat more
what about you, how was your day?
Byron: Just the usual
Jay( my roommate) is getting high
while blasting Juice WRLD( dead artiste who sang a lot of sad depressing hit songs)
Roxie😍: what happened to him
Byron: Remember Millie ( Jay’s one date super hot crush)
Roxie😍: Yes, the light skinned chiq with a big booty
Byron: Yeah
She pulled the friend zone card on him
He had proposed to her
Roxie😍:😂😂😥
Byron: she told him she loved him, a platonic kind of love
That they could be friends , nothing more.
Roxie😍: I feel sorry for him
Btw I have something to tell you
Roxie😍: Typing….
( 3 full moons later)
Roxie😍: I think we should break up..


I’ll spare you what came after. I just couldn’t believe it, she was breaking up with me, why?? She says I didn’t challenge her enough, that I was all fun and not ambitious, that she wants to focus on her budding career. That was total BS if you ask me. I stooped low, begged her , cajoled her , even cried for her, she didn’t budge. I then asked her to think this through and talk to me about it tomorrow. She said she had thought about it and there wasn’t anything lingering to think about. I felt helpless and completely inept in the matters of the heart. I thought we had something good going, that we were in love. The joke was on me , I was in love , not her. With this realisation, I went offline and asked Jay to pass me the blunt , and also to crank up the volume while at it.( Lucid dreams played on)

PS:

This story was too long, so I cut it to two parts , I’ll post the next part next week. I low key think maybe I should act like one of those artistes on IG that post a preview of their upcoming work with a caption of I’ll post the full video if this post gets to 1000 likes 😅Mine would be like , I’ll post the second part up if this gets to 20 comments ( low shooter). It’s just a thought.