To be Alone

To be alone is not to be lonely – Dream Count by Chimamanda Ngozi

When they call you, saying how they wish you were not born. You listen and do not say a word. They call you selfish. They say you do not care about them. You listen for a while, then quietly hang up and walk to the kitchen. You pour yourself a shot of Scotch Whiskey, neat. It seems to be the only thing that fires you nowadays.

I am worried that these days, you are getting too intimate with the White man’s drink. I watch you wince as you down the drink. It seems to be the only thing that warms your insides.

You are alone.

To be alone is not always to be lonely. But today, you feel the loneliness creep in. I watch you fight the tears lingering in your eyes. You want to cry, but they taught you that men don’t cry. They did not permit you to express your feelings. You grew up immotive. I watch you hastily dry up your tears, head bowed down, in shame. You feel miserable.

I take you in my arms and tenderly whisper that some days the sky’s blueness is shrouded in grey. Today, it’s covered in dark clouds that threaten to rain you down. But even the mightiest thunderstorms ease to fleeting rays of sunshine.

I hold your chin up and watch you unravel your guard. Your wet eyes lock into mine, and they speak.

They say, Thank you!